Grrrr. I've been miserable this week. I just can't figure everything out - somethings gotta give, but there's nothing that can. Trying to figure it all out is hard, it sucks.

First, there's work. Its busy. And the company has grown so big. There's so many more agents and offices now, but the admin department hasn't gotten any bigger. There's more and more work being put on us, and there's not enough hours in the day to get everything done. I come home miserable and stressed and that's not fair to the family.

Second, there's home. I get home from a crappy, busy, stressful day at work and there's so much to do here. Laundry piles up, kids toys are everywhere, no one listens to me, and there's so much work that needs to be done. We need a new screen door because the old one blew off in the windstorm the other day. Joey's bedroom ceiling needs to be fixed, we need a new hot water heater and the windows have to be replaced, and that's just the start of the list.

That brings up the third point. The one that makes me most bitter. Jason was called back to Walkers. Long story short, he had to quit and give up his call back rights so that he could stay in school. He received a severance package, which he had to report to EI. Now we're waiting to hear just how much EI will take from it, and it could possibly be every penny he got. That makes me angry. Really angry. Jason is the one who worked there - not the government - so he should get the money. But just because he chose to go to school rather than get another job, he is being penalized. I'm livid, and I don't understand it. We're always struggling, week to week, paycheque to paycheque. Then when we actually get a little bit of money the government is there with its hand out. We'll never get any farther ahead. And this sucks.

So that's why I'm miserable. I'm giving 150% at work, and even more than that at home, but it still doesn't feel like its enough. There's not enough hours in the day, and I can't be cloned, so I have to figure out what to do. I doubt that I can cut my hours at work since its so crazy, but I don't want to do it anymore. If I have to put my all into something, I want it to be my family and my home, not my job. But I can't just quit because I like to think that my job is somewhat secure and stable. With Jason going to school, I need security. I know that if the kids get sick or I need to take a day off, I can do that at Remax. But on the flip side of it, if I go somewhere else I may take a cut in pay, but maybe I'd get benefits and more than 2 weeks vacation. I honestly don't know what to do, and I hate it.

I'll figure it out. Winning the lottery would be wonderful right now, or finding out that there really is a cleaning fairy. If you see her flying around, send her over asap.